Ever since I was a young boy I wondered if being Gay was wrong. Today we have many freedoms and we have lots of things that help us to understand more of what the situation is, but back in the day it was a whole different story. I remember having childhood crushes on some of my male classmates in grade school but never ever revealing it to anyone from the early realization that is was “wrong”. I think even now I still have hang ups on expressing my deep feelings because of the things I went through as a young boy when I reveal such things. Either you would be made fun of or you would be ostracized by your classmates and in some cases by your friends who you thought where true. I’m sure I’m not alone. We see more and more acceptance of this unchangeable feeling but what do we do with it now and what sense are we making out of all the situations emerging into mainstream visibility?
I have to say it makes me happy to know that such feelings can be expressed openly and with less shame as it was back when I was a little boy. Seems like today you can be 15 and walk around in high school unashamed and authentically yourself. It's a great thing but do we have clarity on the subject? Does the notion of choosing to be gay still exist or are we more accepting of the truth? That truth that says you don’t choice to be gay, you just are. I remember one of the hardest decisions ( so I thought at the time ) was if I was going to take the cosmetology program in High School or not. I was terrified to do it because up until then there were no boys who chose to take cosmetology and there was this meth that if you did hair you were gay. I hadn’t officially came out to the world that I was gay before junior year in high school and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do that seeing as how if I did the cosmetology program I would surely be assumed to be gay.
Besides the judgment I would receive from my schoolmates I was most nervous about telling my Father. I wasn’t sure if he would accept it or even allow me to take the program. I mustered all the courage I could knowing that this was the right move for myself and my future and I TOOK the program! Of course as most things are when you think they are going to be terrible it wasn’t as bad as I thought at home. My father didn’t really care that I took it or not and I ended up being a true talent within the field. However, the high school experience was a different story and choosing what was in my heart did not stop my male classmates from calling me names like “ gay boy “ , “ faggot”, and all the names that you probably could call a gay person for the rest of my time in high school , but hey if I hadn’t done it I wouldn’t be living my purpose and doing something that I love so much. I had to push through the adversity even in my teens to get to what I really wanted in my heart. I guess that’s why now I still have strength enough to do what’s in my heart today. Even writing this week’s newsletter from my position is a pretty courageous thing.
My eyes swell up as I recall those days. It wasn’t the best time for me obviously but I learned alot. In hindsight I have learned that people can tell you that your wrong and they can tell you that you shouldn’t be who you are meant to be but only you can define who you are and what your meant to be. Everyone’s road is different and of course we will encounter hardships on the road towards our selves. Who knew that the journey to be myself would be such a hard one, but also who knew that after discovering and accepting myself it could be such a rewarding one.
It’s good to see more people standing up for who they are authentically because they will be the much awaited examples for those coming after them. I wish I could have had and older mentor who could have told me that there was nothing wrong with me and that I was a person worthy of good things happening to them a person who could still be themselves and achieve the dreams they have in their heart. Wish there could have been iconic or public figures that I was made aware of who stood as examples of what I could aspire to achieve even though I am gay. Instead I had to stumble along in the dark on a road full of uncertainty like most my age and older and like some that still probably travel that road today. I guess we have to be our own examples sometimes and maybe there won’t always be an example or someone who looks like you to show you Wht you can be. Even if there isn’t you can still grow and blossom if you allow yourself the space and time to do so. . “ Who ever knew that out of the concrete a flower would grow.”
My intentions for this week’s subject matter is to spark empathy for those who may be parents to a gay child or those who may not understand that a person really doesn’t choose to be gay. Our world is filled with all sorts of people some bad, some good, and some gay. Some people who save lives , or nurse the sick, or lead or defense may happen to be gay individuals and they too are worthy of our admiration for what they do. The cosmetologist who comes up to style you may be gay or not but either way may have some special magic to enhance your look and inspire your confidence. Maybe they know what to do and what looks right because they have understood not having any and what it may take to gain some. As I have said and continue to say. Being a cosmetologist is more than just a hobby job. It is one that helps people , everyday people in fact to be confident within themselves to live their best lives and to go out into the world inspired to do their best work .When you think of one’s purpose. No one’s purpose can be greater it is only a part of a collective that contributes to the whole. I am significant just as you are significant and together we make the world what it is. It’s just up to us to choose to make it a world of love and positivity verses a world or negativity and spite.
Is being Gay wrong? That may be a question still to taboo to answer correctly for some but as my Music Teacher told me while attending Junior high School as I struggled to find acceptance of myself and what I was, “ God is love , you are love, and who ever said that there was anything wrong with Love.“